Reflections on life along the lakes by a journalist turned Anglican priest.
“Lucy love”
I didn’t intend to start this column with description of searing sadness.
But the reality is that each day, in large cities, in small villages, in temples and synagogues and churches and funeral homes, people gather to cope with loss.
It is a basic human need: we come together when we need to grieve and find meaning.
That was the feeling in Fall River, on Wednesday, Oct. 29, as people filed into St. John’s United Church on Highway 2.
A digital sign called them to the place: “A celebration of life for Lucy Anaisa Cable-Munroe, age 10.”
She and five-year-old Adalind Gaul tragically lost their lives in a boating accident on Lake Rossignol on Oct. 18.
Hundreds of people filled the church. Most of the women and girls, and also some of the men and boys, wore hairbands as a nod to Lucy’s sense of fashion.
Pastor Jeremy Marsh spoke eloquently, noting that what had happened was “not good,” but adding it was “good” that we were there, gathered as a community.
Her aunt and a school principal spoke of Lucy’s kindness to other children when they were having a hard day. They used the phrase “Lucy love,” to describe it.
The pastor cited the Christian story of Jesus being called to a village to heal his friend Lazarus, not arriving in time, and crying with the mourning family (John 11). However, the story also points forward to a story that defies that death and human suffering and suggests hope.
The people in the full church sat and listened. The Lord’s prayer was spoken by Rev. Jenny Eisener. Then a slideshow rolled, and people watched images from the girl’s life before singing a final hymn. Chairs were rolled away and food and coffee and juice were served.
People talked, smiled, cried, and spent time together.
This is what communities do, even though they wish they didn’t have to.
A few days earlier, in the same Church, I stood as the celebrant at the funeral of 93-year-old Mary (Maartje) Mansvelt of Oakfield, whose family includes nine children, 26 grandchildren and 15 great-grandchildren. Words of remembrance flowed from their lips; Psalm 23 was read in her native Dutch by Mary’s sister.
A granddaughter said she’d promised her Oma (Dutch for grandmother) she’d play a few verses of Amazing Grace on her violin when her time came. Not ever wanting this inevitable occasion to arrive, she admitted before the gathering she’d avoided practicing the tune for years.
Sitting behind her, I felt both a tear and a smile at the same time.
It’s become clear, in these early months of my life as an Anglican priest at several churches in the area, that this is not a quiet life of reflecting in my study and digging into commentaries on Bible passages. It is about living in a community, observing and seeing how people experience their lives in relation to one another.
Pastoral theologian Pamela Cooper-White wrote in her book, “Braided Selves” (2011) that many contemporary models of how humans develop focus on growth of individuals, as “a solitary ‘I’ rather than as persons-in-relation.”
But that’s an inadequate view of humanity, she wrote. Our journeys aren’t in a straight line, moving from one stage of mental development to the next until we reach adulthood and then beginning a downward descent.
Rather, even within the wombs of our mothers, our souls and bodies are dependent and sensitive to others and changed by those we meet.
“The parent’s ability to observe and accurately name feelings for the child lay the foundation for the child’s own ability to recognize and name his or her own feelings, and in time, complex emotions. Empathy… is thus a learned capacity,” noted the theologian.
At the funeral for Lucy, it became clear she’d learned the lessons of sharing and kindness well, which is in turn a tribute to those around her.
Put another way: It is in community that we absorb love, and to the community we can then provide it.
The Rev’d Michael Tutton is the rector of the Parish of Fall River with Oakfield, which includes the Anglican churches of St. Thomas and St. Margaret’s of Scotland.